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An open letter to Martin Luther

Hi Marty, just thought to write you a quick note, there’s something I need to mention to you. It’s a personal problem, but it seems like I’m not the only one suffering from it, we don’t really talk about it that much, as a people, but maybe this letter will open up the dialogue a little. There’s this trend, I think you’ve heard about it, it’s called work.


Remember back in the 16th century when you taught that work was intrinsically good and that everyone should do it, well everyone believed you and now we’re all very busy. You started a thing called the protestant work ethic, i.e the five day work week. I didn’t think it was all that bad until I realized there was more than one week involved. The routine is as follows, you spend most of your time awake doing things and then, near the end, you die.


It’s not that I’m entirely ungrateful for your contribution to the modern world, you dealt with indulgence salesmen and told the Pope he was the antichrist, both groovy moves. I just don’t get why you’d bang on about how salvation was free and then insist that everyone picks up a spade.


I know you were one of the first Augustine monks to get hitched, paving the way for clerical marriage, was that the reason you insisted that work is a good thing? Didn’t know laying pipe had a flip side did you? Did Mrs Reformation get a little naggy? I just don’t think it’s fair that the rest of us have to work our moer off because you chose the wrong woman, do you?


By the way, I’ve just put down one of your books “On the Jews and Their Lies”, gripping stuff. I don’t know if anti Semitism and the promotion of work go hand in hand, Yids have pretty much cornered that market. Referring to them as “base, whoring people” also just seems rude.


Well, in conclusion, I’m just writing to let you know that I won’t be letting a work besotted Nazi tell me how to live my life and that you should be ashamed of yourself.


I’m going to have a sit down now.


Kind Regards


Christopher Steenkamp

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March 23, 2013 Early Tilt