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Born Again Atheists?

On opening my news feed this morning, coffee in hand & soul still orientating, I found a tweet that helped the process along. ‘Comedians launch atheist church in London’. What bliss, how beauteous. I immediately retweeted the links with all round high virtual fives. Then I went a sniffing, I had a look at their website, watched a Youtube clip and immediately started regretting the haste with which I endorsed this, seemingly, exciting venture.

 

Atheism, a title in itself which irritates me, seems too reactionary as a title for a belief system. Anyone defined by what they don’t believe are normally of a shouty annoying contrived kind of angry that turn dinner tables into social graveyards. But lets not make this the starting point, or an accusation towards these peeps for that matter. Besides, they don’t seem shouty at all.

 

These (born again) atheists have a decidedly charismatic thing happening with their faces. That AMWAY veneer that suggests the sales pitch is constantly in full bloom. I find contrived joy almost as irritating as the real kind. Let me try and zero in and formulate a shit list.

 

“It’s a service for anyone who wants to live better, help often and wonder more.” A little scribble at the top of their home page. I thought Christians were morally arrogant, what the fuck are these guys thinking associating their ideas with a better life? Live better? Arrogant much? It’s cultish, it’s creepy. My sphincter’s gag reflex is yo-yo’ing.

 

Let’s keep going, they have a little section about starting your very own Sunday Assembly, oh joy, a franchise. So, apart from already having MacDonald’s-affied their three month year old movement they’re actually attempting to tell people how to run their very own meetings. Atheist meetings, normally a set of beliefs premised on individualism I might add, don’t need aesthetic guidlines.

 

This is almost too obvious to hate.

 

Here, look at this shit, fucking look at how many times they use the words ‘will be’ ‘should be’ ‘must be’.

sunday assembly

Legalistic, stifling, prescriptive, wankjobs.

 

Meetings must be free, only run on donations, 10% of which should be given to them. Sound familiar? TITHING, they’re soliciting tithes?

 

Please somebody tell me this is an elaborate joke, before I weep gaseously into my own nausea.

 

“The rest of the Sunday Assembly Everywhere Guidelines are here. If you want to start one, drop us a line here. “ – no thanks arseholes, atheists don’t need your permission to start anything.

 

These people are trying to brand individualism. They’re trying to brand independent thought, is this something meant to be owned? If anything they should delete that little copywrite symbol and snap the fuck back to reality. Megalomaniac hippy pricks. I sincerely hope this isn’t a real thing.

 

March 8, 2013 Early Tilt