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Can you milk a llama?

So I’ve been thinking about the Dalai Lama, not all the time and not in any specific way, in case you were wondering if that was my thing. I decided I needed to meditate on the situation, it seems like the correct approach and the word meditate is a refreshing synonym for thinking. I’m all about refreshing synonyms and slightly curious about why our political elite aren’t supporting the repressed. It could just be a developmental tough love approach, probably not though.

this is a yak

There’s this giant yak in the room, which though smaller than an elephant, remains equally as awkward. Considering that Tibetans milk yaks, for butter and such, and that nobody ever milks an elephant reminds me of something my grandfather used to say; when the going gets tough, milk a large mammal. Except llamas of course, there’s no point in milking a llama, Dalai or other- except if you’re an armchair liberal. Then you can milk that shit until the cows come home. Which would be the better option.

ALL RIGHT….the Lama not being allowed into the country for the second time does mean something, but what exactly? The obvious inference is that our government isn’t that into him or his agenda. Given our democratic fledging is in receipt of a history that should effect in much sympathy with Tibet’s state raises an interesting debate. What receipt qualifies our flippancy in this regard?

First off, before I mention our mercenary bilateral trade agreement with those commie pricks, lets take a quick look at the Dalai Lama, which makes me think of a surrealist camel, real name Tenzin Gyatso. That in turn reminds me of a sharp knife from Glomail, he also looks like one of my mom’s garden ornaments, which to be fair was probably inspired by him.

His belief department also seems on the odd side. Far be it from me to judge such a profoundly popular belief system, which I’m going to do, but it will still be far from me.

Reincarnation, really? That we’ll come back based on some sort of karma star chart — who could live with that sort of stress? No wonder they’ve all gone bald. The fact that we can’t remember our previous life makes the lesson an irrelevant one. Also the notion that God isn’t interested in any new souls is ludicrous, why would he keep fiddling with old ones? He’s infinitely creative by definition. We all like the occasional remake but originality always trumps a sequel, those are the rules. Plus, if reincarnation exists- virginity doesn’t. Not that it bothers me, but I know entire belief systems that bank on that little issue.

I’m a one woman sort of guy, old school, conservative, an Afrikaans mother has reaching effects. If I had to entertain the idea of reincarnation I’d have to face up to the fact that (many) other men and possibly animals, have had their way with my future significant other. Everyone has a past- but 400 lifetimes worth of rumpity would wear anyone out.

No wonder monks are celibate, imagine the scene:

“Look at that girl.”

“I remember her, what a gorgeous woman.”


“It was about eleven lives ago, she was a squirrel I was marmoset, good times.”


See where I’m going with this?

It’s a same day affair too, the day the Lama pegs a new one is announced. That’s an awfully busy schedule. No wonder he never looks hurried, he has time on his side. His to do list probably looks odd, where would you find a diary for someone with such a schedule? I wonder how many lifetimes his P.A has booked up for, considering he suffers from chronic availability.

this is a lama

AND what happens if a woman gives birth at his death bed? Chances are slim but he could then boast of having attended his own funeral. Sort of bitter sweet, lots of tears but less of a commute. God knows that could get loathsome. Especially around pandemics and genocides, bumper to bumper astral commuters stuck listening to some prick of a drive time D.J encouraging suicide to up listenership.

WHAT IF he has a stroke, remains clinically dead for three minutes but is then resuscitated? Which chassis is left soulless? Maybe that’s why some toddlers develop slowly and at times freak me out a little, they’re actually soulless. Nailed it.

I’m just fishing for better excuses to ignore the plight of Tibet, dirty commie golden handshakes don’t seem weighty enough to derail the transcendent social conscience our caucus was founded on. Or maybe that’s all in the past and our democracy has matured enough to act like a real westernised capitalist pimp.

Either which way I’m saddened my government didn’t show that revolutionary grit they used to define themselves by.  Really saddened.

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December 1, 2011 Early Tilt