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Thuli, Batman & Other Thoughts

Thuli Mandonsela remains a beaut for a number of reasons. Her constant calm exterior amidst the tumult of her daily grind, which must be a colossal grind. Busting misconduct, excessive expenditure and the all round scallywagging of our country’s most powerful can’t be relaxing. There’s only one real explanation for her consistency, Thuli Mandonsela is the Batman.

The idea that we need a public protector pisses me off from the outset. I think her role is vital and that she’s doing a superb job, but isn’t her role part & parcel of what it means to be a political leader? Our politicians are meant to be public protectors, sure many of them are, but that we have this kind of military police outfit could possibly breed some heinous attitudes towards the whole operation.

I imagine our politicos dodging her like I did my nazi prefects during my school years. Those pimps bred a new found dislike for adhering to proper conduct. It seems so external, this lotus of restraint when it comes to filching our hard spent tax dosh.

That’s a tricksy debate all the same, I can’t blame the prevailing turd like attitudes to responsibility on her office, but I won’t write off this idea that the whole system seems wonky from the outset. The same feeling I get when I see a security guard patrolling the police station. Something’s wrong.

Thuli Mandonsela reminds me a kind of Thomas Sankara (with more paper work and respect for due process). Her fearlessness in the face unpopularity, especially when squaring off with a collective as scary sounding as the security cluster. Top dogs there to ensure el presidente’s safety. After 206 million Rands worth of security upgrades you’d think the compound would be safe from paper work. Besides, we’re not interested in blueprints. We know the place’s dimensions, that part of the report can gladly be blacked out with the words “fucking big” written in the margins. What we want to see are receipts. Detailed breakdowns. Who got paid and where did the cashish come from. That’s the rub, that’s always the rub. The upside of having a neo liberal cesspit in the place of our upper echelon’s sensibility is we know what they want. Money.

Right, so apart from the ridiculousness of wasting money on people who waste money, we can also disregard this silly threat to national security.

Another helplessly strange addition to this saga has to do with why Madonsela exempted Number One from the Nkandlagate naughty list. The argument is that though he benefitted from the shenanigans, he didn’t instigate it. This is a toxic bit of reasoning. Easily side-stepped, even by the profoundly dull. All it takes is a back-handed conversation involving a medical parole get out of jail free card and wham, the system is greased. The other alternative is that there’s a group of sinister corrupt motherfuckers planing tax dosh heists benevolently. As much as I’d like to believe in the intrinsic goodness of freeloading shysters, I can’t.

It’s times like these we need pens like P.J. O’Rourke’s. Though a republican miscreant who I suspect secretly wants to burn homosexuals and atheists alike, his righteous indignation with kak big government spending would rip this situation wide open.

pj o rourke

Zapiro’s latest piece depicting our upper echelon filling a small piece of Madiba’s footprint seems so apt. What the fuck are we doing, why’s my president so engrossed by this one-dimensional trinket of a big house? I find it slightly embarrassing. He did so well to drop kick those dirty fascists out of the mix, now he’s being reprimanded nationally for astroturf and a tuckshop.

I live in downtown Jozi, just 45 minutes ago little Mogadishu erupted outside my window. A mugging turned vigilante mob retaliation turned bottle throwing rescue operation by thug cronies. Where’s Doornfontein’s security upgrade? It all boils down to the term ‘public servant’, and last I checked, servants chow last.