Tilt Republic. Johannesburg. New York. Cape Town. London.

wiki rant #1- Lord Nuffield’s Baculum

Yesterday’s featured Wikipedia article has to do with the buildings of Nuffield College. I could come up with a grandiose reason for writing a piece on this but the only reason I can think of is an overt desire to fling some random ink.

These buildings are situated to the west of Oxford’s city centre, I have never been there and I doubt I’d go if I had the chance. The reason for this is that it’s nothing but a monolithic septic baculum, which I have learnt to be the official name for the penis bone. To avoid confusion and alarm, they’re not that prevalent in humans, hedgehogs and some other little spiky things have penis bones- humans don’t. Partly because our over evolved instincts haven’t required any help in that direction.

The human penis must have some sort of record as far as boneless erect appendages go. Entire civilizations are based around the concern for what to do with this meddling thing, take America.

The man who inspired these buildings was none other than Lord Nuffield himself, bullying some architect into replacing an original design with a 46 meter cement phallus. Nuffield was in the car manufacturing industry, so lets not pussy foot around about his insecurities. His rejection of the first design was premised on the fact that it was un-English, but secretly he needed a substitute length his car manufacturing company couldn’t provide anymore.

I’m all for getting excited about all sorts of things but getting into a huff because an edifice that you donated money towards doesn’t resemble a nationalist sentiment makes you a bit of a dick in my book. I guess it’s because of my white South Africanness that I struggle with nationalist pride, given our history and the one dimensional application such sentiments have inspired in the past. I can’t help but see this ring fenced sentimentality as being the very foodstuff of stupidity. That red faced piece of barely in the corner of the mouth hick fuckery that devolves our civilization so enthusiastically.

I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I hate Dicklord Nuffield but calling him a massive cunt isn’t beyond my keenly developed sense of discernment.

It has been referred to as “Oxford’s biggest monument to barren reaction”, so there can’t be that many hurt feelings.

It just blows that this English Trump had the means to mar the English skyline with his rampant egoism, those trees look like balls too. 


March 22, 2012 Early Tilt